This Day in Death

1.11.13: Electronic Breathalyser Inventor Tom Parry Jones – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:21 am January 25, 2013

TOM_PARRY_JONESSo you can add the breathalyser to the list of things you might accidentally invent while attempting to create the fabled auto-fellator. I guess you could argue that *something* good has come out of our decades of failure, but I’m still pretty let down.


Tom Parry Jones, inventor of the first electronic breathalyser and scourge of degenerate drunkards the world over, is dead. It’s also my 200th post, but no, it’s cool, we don’t need to talk about that. Hey, let’s just talk about death again instead! It’s not like we ever get a chance to do that around here. Honestly, you guys have really been stunting my creativity lately. I didn’t wanna say anything because I didn’t wanna ruin this special day but it looks like that ship has already sailed, thanks. Let’s just hit the block quote while I lock myself in the bathroom for a while.

In 1972 Parry Jones began examining the possibility of developing a fuel cell alcohol sensor as the basis of a more reliable screening instrument. His portable “Alcolmeter”, an electronic device the size of a cigarette packet, transformed the process of screening by providing police with a more reliable kerbside test, removing the need for a follow-up blood or urine test. However, it took some time to catch on, and Parry Jones recalled that he found “inventing the device the easy part, but producing it, developing it and selling it was the challenge”.

That’s definitely true. I’m always down in the lab, slamming magnets together, boiling unspecified blue liquids with Bunsen burners, just inventing awesome shit all day long, and nobody takes any of it seriously. Like the Doubleknife, the only knife whose handle is not a handle at all, but actually a second, even deadlier knife. No one wanted to listen to me when I invented Facebook, either. I mean, it was six months ago, so technically it already existed, but I had assumed the dinosaurs at the patent office didn’t know that. Turns out they’re actually pretty sharp when it comes to these things. I bet they have all that stuff written down somewhere, nice and safe.


Source: The Telegraph

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