This Day in Death

7.3.12: Andy Griffith – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:11 am July 4, 2012

“Holy shit this is boring. Does the internet still not exist yet?”

Andy Griffith, who portrayed two iconic television characters in Andy Taylor and Ben Matlock, died yesterday at the age of 86. If you don’t know why the man’s work was significant, it should be noted that the act of whistling was invented solely for The Andy Griffith Show. Sure, you hear it all the time now, but no one had ever thought to do that before.

And if you wanted to attend Griffith’s funeral you’ll have to be content with writing it into your bizarre fan fiction because he was buried less than five hours after dying:

…Griffith died Tuesday after an unspecified illness and “has been laid to rest on his beloved Roanoke Island,” the family said in a statement.

But the speed with which the public learned of his death and was informed of his burial seemed especially fast, according to some observers.

“It’s not very common,” said Larry F. Stegall, executive director of the state’s Funeral Directors Association. “I don’t recall having heard of it, and I’ve been here 32 years.”

Mmkay, that’s a little weird, I guess. It’s like his family was in a hurry to say their last goodbyes for some reason. Hang on, lemme check something…

Yup. Don Knotts died a few years ago, George Lindsey went in May, and now Andy Griffith is gone. That means the Aztec Prophecy of the Triad is complete and we should all get ready for a billion years of pestilence, massive tectonic shifts, and all bodies of water spontaneously turning into pig’s blood. I actually started this blog to try and give you guys a heads up about that, but then I saw two squirrels fighting outside my window and got pretty caught up in how that was gonna shake out. By the time I came back inside I’d kinda forgotten about all that, but now that I’ve explained myself I see no need to place blame on anyone.

Source: CNN

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5.6.12: George Lindsey, Television’s Goober Pyle – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:50 am May 7, 2012

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU LET HIM GET BACK TO WORK, YOU STUPID HICKS?! He’s an officer of the law! He doesn’t have time for this crap!

George Lindsey, best known for his tireless work to progress the yokel arts as Goober Pyle on The Andy Griffith Show and Hee-Haw (Oooh, range!), died Sunday at the age of 83. So that’s probably why my grandpa’s been calling me all day. GOOD LUCK GETTING AN ANSWER, OLD MAN! I RECOGNIZE THE NUMBER!

In a statement released through the funeral home, Griffith said, “George Lindsey was my friend. I had great respect for his talent and his human spirit. In recent years, we spoke often by telephone. Our last conversation was a few days ago … I am happy to say that as we found ourselves in our eighties, we were not afraid to say, ‘I love you.’ That was the last thing George and I had to say to each other. ‘I love you.’”

There you have it: Not everyone’s coworkers hate them. It looks like it’s mainly just you.

He did some standup comedy — ending the show by tap and break dancing.

Yup, Goober Pyle used to breakdance on stage and you missed it. Just like when the blonde guy from CHiPs was signing autographs at the rec center and you didn’t find out about it til the next day. Between all that and your co-workers’ seething, barely-contained hatred for you (and everything you stand for) you’re really having a rough year. I dunno, maybe you need to buy a motorcycle or something. Listen, I’m not your life coach, figure this shit out yourself.

Source: The Washington Post

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