This Day in Death

10.18.12: Porn Star Sylvia Kristel – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 7:05 pm October 19, 2012

You’re never gonna get thoroughly clean if you just spend the whole bath slowly massaging your chest like that. America’s pre-teens rely on lurid sexuality to teach them proper hygiene practices and this is just leading them down a dangerous path.

Porn star (or “adult film actress” if you’re applying for a grant) Sylvia Kristel is dead today, and I’m just gonna come right out and tell you that it was throat cancer. Yes yes, get it out of your systems. I thought you guys were a bit more sophisticated than that. I mean, I’m not, but I thought you were.

Kristel was best known for playing the title role in the landmark 1974 softcore porn Emmanuelle. Wait, hang on. They’re making softcore porno now? What, is that just mostly hand-holding or something? Do they have to keep the gangbangs in the single digits? And what of ATM? Who’s softcore porn even for, people who want square tires and put water in their cereal? I tell you, there are some reeeal sickos in the world.

She did act in mainstream films, […] but was nearly always cast in sexually suggestive parts, and her performances drew considerably less attention than her face and figure.

In her 2006 autobiography, “Undressing Emmanuelle,” she wrote that she was “disappointed and a little hurt” that her more serious work went unappreciated. “I was dressed but people preferred me naked,” she wrote.

Well, now I feel bad about the pelvic-thrusty nature of this post, so let’s just call it a day here. It’s just as well, since I generally try to avoid jokes about porn or prostitution. I mean, there’s this stuff. And these. And I’d hate to forget this one. But as a general rule I try to steer clear of that stuff. Or at least skip a day here and there. Wow. When you lay it out like that it really starts to look like I might have a problem after all. I guess I owe Pastor Robinson a pretty big apology.

Source: The New York Times

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