This Day in Death

5.28.14: Maya Angelou – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 3:52 am May 29, 2014

MAYA_ANGELOUYeah, it’s alright, but I still prefer the sequel, Bird 2: The Uncagening. If Mark Wahlberg was a book, you guys… if Mark Wahlberg was a book.


Poet and author Maya Angelou has died today after cancelling several engagements due to failing health. Beginning her writing career in 1959, Angelou spent 55 consecutive years of her life publishing her work. Well, 51 if you don’t count the four years that she spent writing dirty nursery rhymes for Andrew Dice Clay.

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK QUOTE, LET’S GO TO THE BLOCK QUOTE! Ha! I don’t know why he ever stopped doing these!

“All of the writers of my generation must honor the ground broken by Dr. Maya Angelou,” author Tayari Jones posted on her Facebook page Wednesday.

“She told a story that wasn’t allowed to be told,” Jones said. “Now, people tell all sorts of things in memoir, but when she told the truth, she challenged a taboo — not for shock value, but to heal us all.”

Angelou’s writing spoke to a longing for understanding and unity between all people, a lesson her followers have certainly taken to heart. And if you don’t believe me, why, just scroll down to the comments section, which I am just now doing for the first time, with utter confidence that they won’t cause the above statement to backfire on me to an hilarious degree:

Please read the comments before opening your big mouth. If she had written the same works and was white, wouldn’t you be singing praises now? Be honest people. It is in your heads. Black people will never do anything your ilk appreciates.

No one is as shrill, negative, angry, violent, mistaken, false or as un-American as you appear to be. Perhaps you should read something besides the 2nd Amendment and the false, misleading and inflammatory propaganda of the far right.

Oh get a grip … what are some of these “truth[s] and democratic/republic ideals” that are supposed to seep in btw? Hatred of guns? I suppose you’re also one of those know-nothing libbies who blames the NRA for the latest shooting in CA. Typical.

Don’t get your undies in a bundle. You’re not the only one who can “bite back” take your meds and relax lol.

Obamacare is screwing the vast majority of middle class Americans. Mean while, his followers continue to talk about how much “class” he has. I have some news for you, class isn’t going to pay for my sick child’s healthcare. Wake Up.

Wow. Thoughtful stuff. Are those Woody Guthrie lyrics or something? Fun fact: Obama is the driving force behind 98% of all internet comment sections. The remaining 2% actually come from articles about Obama, and are generally centered around how I can get off-brand boner pills on the cheap.

Point is, between hate-filled comments section and sifting through her words for “haters gonna hate”isms, holy shit have you guys missed the point. If you really need some new catchphrases to prop up an unearned sense of self-confidence I’m sure Beyonce will be dropping a new song any day now. Meanwhile, maybe once #MayaAngelou stops trending we can all try actually… you know… practicing some of what the woman represented. Like, maybe not being such a unrelenting douche to literally every single person you encounter in your day-to-day life.

I mean, you can do that stuff. It’s already too late for me. The doctors say I’m dead on the inside. Seriously, actually dead. They don’t even understand what that means, but x-rays don’t lie.

Source: CNN

Tags: , , ,

11.11.12: Poet Jack Gilbert – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:06 pm November 16, 2012

Poets do it with their diction.


Whenever my body’s death sense tingles in iambic pentameter I know that either a.) a poet has just died, or b.) my body is trying to impress some liberal arts chick. Probably one with purple hair who spells her name all crazy, like Krysteena or Jessicka or something. Give it up, man. You’re never even coming close to that.

Today it’s the former, as poet Jack Gilbert has passed away at the age of 87. Oh, what’s that? You’ve never heard of Jack Gilbert? Maybe that’s because he stone cold didn’t give a single hearty fuck about, you know, doing much of anything:

Famous for eschewing fame, he did not go to writers’ conferences or cocktail parties, gave readings sporadically and did not publish a great deal, either. His output over a half-century included a mere five slim volumes; his “Collected Poems,” which [Gilbert’s publisher Alfred A.] Knopf brought out earlier this year, squeezed the entire oeuvre into 400 pages.

That 400 pages becomes even less impressive when you realize that half of those pages were just Gilbert doodling pictures of dinosaurs and calling John Updike a pussy. Maybe he should’ve used a bigger font, which worked pretty smoothly on some of my dumber English professors. I like to think that Mr. Cortada eventually realized that that Times New Roman was actually 12.4 point, and the resultant shame at his failure to catch it in time was the cause of his descent into alcoholism and subsequent firing. I dunno, I guess I just like to dream.

Also, I’d like to point out that I originally had a joke about how that picture up there was taken just moments after Gilbert went down on an elderly Erica Jong, but then decided to hide it down here for us to enjoy after all the stuffed shirts left following the block quote. I’m getting really good at internetting.


Source: The New York Times

Tags: , , ,