This Day in Death

7.29.12: The Olympic Flame – TEMPORARILY DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:34 am August 6, 2012

The speed with which NBC forces me to remove this image is directly proportional to how popular this blog is. We’re, uh… we’re still waiting. But I know that Cease & Desist is on the way. I can *feel* it, you know?


So I guess the Olympic flame went out last week, but I haven’t been paying attention to the Olympics since I have access to the internet and, therefore, literally millions of things that are way more exciting and intellectually stimulating. Like these videos of people prank calling C-Span. Or, failing that, I could go look for rocks that resemble celebrities, try to induce sex dreams by falling asleep with porno on in the background, or shave off my hair and attempt to make a smoothie out of it. All of these things would be a much better use of my time than sitting through 40 minutes of cell phone commercials to see some Nigerian run for 14 seconds. And why isn’t NBC even covering the Puppy Olympics? Don’t try to tell me it’s because there’s no such thing as the Puppy Olympics. There’s also no such thing as a human being who finds “Whitney” entertaining but it doesn’t stop them from hiring methadone patients to keep writing it.

According to millenary tradition, the flame has to burn inside its cauldron for the duration of the game. It went out this Sunday, 11:14pm London time.

Thankfully, it was not accidentally extinguished by London’s perpetual rain. It had to be extinguished for security reasons before the cauldron was moved to a new location. Before unceremoniously turning off the gas, they lit up the torch that was used by Mr. Playfoot [editor’s note – Tee hee!] to relight the cauldron this morning.

I guess the Olympics just doesn’t command the same solemn gravitas that it used to. I blame the unusually high standards set by Leni Riefenstahl’s groundbreaking directorial techniques, mainly because I took a film class once and I’ve been waiting to get that reference out there for years.

By the way, this is probably the last time I’ll be linking to a story about a topical event. They tend to make me look bad, largely due to being repeatedly conned by those Onion articles. If they didn’t expect people to believe they’re real then they should really state that every couple of lines. How the hell am I just supposed to *know* that Reagan hasn’t come back from the dead to lead the GOP? I’m not a goddamn political analyst here.


Source: Gizmodo

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