This Day in Death

5.13.13: Dr. Joyce Brothers – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:30 am May 15, 2013

JOYCE_BROTHERSBrothers, seen here debuting the perfect transitional wardrobe choice for anyone contemplating a career move from rodeo clown to Atlantic City pimp.


Doctor That’s Surprisingly an Actual Doctor Joyce Brothers is dead this week at the age of 85. I know you all want me to say something snarky and dismissive about her career, but I’m gonna try and have some respect about this one. See, Brothers was the first to publicly disseminate my favorite tool for self-improvement on a national scale: Short, largely meaningless, vaguely existential nuggets of feel-good conventional wisdom without any of the soul searching or personal sacrifice necessary for anything but the most surface level psychological housekeeping. Like this stuff:

“The best proof of love is trust.”

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”

“When you come right down to it, the secret of having it all is loving it all.”

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”

“A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success.”

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”

Seriously, what does any of that even mean? I can’t actually apply any of that to my life in any sort of pragmatic way, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling better about myself just by embroidering it on a throw pillow. With that kind of efficiency I can quickly dismiss the periodic flare-ups of shame about the horrible person I’ve gradually devolved into and get back to my lifestyle of bitchin’ debauchery and stealing shoes from homeless people. The key is to wait til the summer when they’re too dehydrated to fight back, it’s not supposed to be a struggle.


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