This Day in Death

3.5.13: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 4:40 am March 6, 2013

HUGO_CHAVEZChavez, right, provides color commentary for Putin’s play-by-play of the Moscow Filthy Hovels football team. GOOOOOO Hovs!

 

Controversial Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is dead today, which you would’ve already known if you ever bothered to get any of your news from a legitimate source. Trust me, you’re not gonna get any meaningful analysis here, seeing as how this blog’s primary function is to send coded messages to various militia groups scattered throughout the US and Mexico. Hey, you can call it shoddy journalism all you want, but I’ve gotten 75 words into an article about Venezuela without a single mention of drug mules. I’ve already made my blogging coach proud, so let’s just go to the block quote before I slip up.

An affable, if sometimes bombastic, man, Chavez had a disarming manner that even his critics could not deny.

Some called his style buffoonish, but he spoke like an ordinary Venezuelan — not like a bureaucrat — and voters reacted positively.

Well, did you really expect enlightened political scrutiny from a country that allows its drug mules 3/5ths of a vote? Wait, shit! DO OVER! Hey Block Quote, can I get a mulligan on that one?

An affable, if sometimes bombastic, man, Chavez had a disarming manner that even his critics could not deny.

Some called his style buffoonish, but he spoke like an ordinary Venezuelan — not like a bureaucrat — and voters reacted positively.

It’s like Venezuela and Chavez were the South American version of a tv show about America and George W. Bush. You know, where all the characters pretty much behave the same way and the basic plots are the same, but you can see boom mics at the top of the screen and all of the women are comically busty, and periodically everyone just starts rocking out with maracas? What I’m trying to say is that Venezuela sounds awesome. I wonder if anyone would mind if we tried socialism over here. I should probably ask those old guys at the VFW about it.



Source: CNN

Share
Tags: , ,