This Day in Death

10.1.12: “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Contestant Antoine Ashley, AKA Sahara Davenport – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:38 am October 5, 2012

Not pictured: Subtlety.

 

Antoine Ashley, also known as Sahara Davenport, the crossdressing star of RuPaul’s Drag Race, passed away on Monday due to heart failure. I know we have a lot of fun here, and I know that I’m not going to make a lot of friends for saying this, but the truth is that I find Ashley’s choice of lifestyle disgusting and immoral. How a person can debase themselves like that is astounding to me. Honestly, reality television? And not even a Philbin around to class things up? Everybody knows that from there it’s just a slippery slope to the bottom and the next thing you know the cops find you hosting a morning radio show in Mason City, Iowa. What if your parents found out about this?

Boyfriend of six years and fellow drag entertainer Karl Westerberg (aka Manila Luzon) had this to say: “Antoine lived to entertain the world as Sahara Davenport, and the world was in awe over his extreme talent. But his heart is what made us all fall in love with him. To me he will always be my best friend, my hero, my Diva, and I have always considered myself more than lucky to have him be forever a part of my life. Thank you, hon, for bringing so much beauty to all of us. Your legacy lives on in me and all of us you’ve touched.”

It may just be because I’m a 7-foot tall lumberjack who uses Brillo pads as toilet paper for some unclear reason, but I just don’t get what the point of a drag show is. Alright, got it, you look like a woman, points for accuracy. But there are, like, 3.5 billion of those already. There’s plenty of reference material around, it’s not like you really had to strain your imagination too much to figure out what Cher might look like in a fishnet bodysuit. Meanwhile LARPers are out there pretending to be dragons and space assassins and other shit that doesn’t even exist and all they get for their trouble is me doing burnouts in that park they don’t think I know about.


Source: Antimusic

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6.17.12: Financial Reporter Dan Dorfman – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:21 am June 19, 2012

I even wanna give his *picture* a wedgie.

 

As I’ve told my increasingly-hostile student loan officer multiple times, if I understood how money works I wouldn’t have traded all of mine for these magic x-ray specs. So I can’t really comment on the career of financial columnist and professional nerdlinger Dan Dorfman, who passed away on Sunday due to a heart condition. Instead, I wonder if Forbes has a slightly dickish way to honor his work. I sure hope so, or I’ll have to rewrite that last sentence, and Daddy isn’t a big fan of that kind of effort. Also, I’m not 100% on where the ‘backspace’ key is.

If you want to see the depths to which news fact checking has fallen in the United States, be amused that the first reporter to post an article about Dan Dorfman’s passing on June 17th, incorrectly reported his age as 82. That error has been repeated at more than two dozen other publications from coast to coast.  Dan was born on October 24, 1931. By my calculations he was 80 when he died, a simple reporting  mistake he would never have made.

AWWWWWWWWWW YEAH, SON!  Financial journalists be beefin’! Joan E. Lappin isn’t shoveling any more of what AP reporter Jennifer Saba is dropping! And don’t think you’re getting off easy, editor Marguerita Choy! There’s gonna be plenty of dropped grammatical ‘bows to go around! It’s the Pound Down in Noun Town! The Brawl Fleet of Wall Street! The Fists of Rage on the Fiscal Page! Oh God this is boring. Is there anything… baller… about any of this?

…his editor at Money [Magazine], Frank Lalli, demanded that Dorfman reveal sources for some of his articles. Like the true journalist he was, think the Valerie Plame case when you read this, he refused to divulge his sources. He was canned.

Hey, Lil’ Kim basically went to jail for that. So you could say that Dorfman represented Stop Snitchin’: Wall Street. That would explain the teardrop tattoos, at least.

And that’s it. Come back tomorrow when I once again try, and almost certainly fail, to make another guy in an ugly tie seem interesting. Fuck you, my life does *SO* have meaning!

 

Source: Forbes

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5.16.12: “Godfather of Go-Go” Chuck Brown – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:29 am May 22, 2012

Brown, seen here debuting a suit made out of Lil’ Kim’s vagina. 

 

The 70s Music Icon Killer, alternately known as ‘Pneumonia,’ has struck again, this time claiming the “Godfather of Go-Go,” Chuck Brown. The members of Earth, Wind & Fire are currently standing in a circle with their backs together while sleeping in shifts. Seriously, between Brown, Donna Summer, and Robin Gibb this place is starting to develop a weird 70s swarthiness that’s frankly making me feel pretty out of place. My chiseled physique and timeless fashion sense are a stark contrast to the polyester-ensconced rolls of flab I have to deal with lately. While you read this block quote I’m gonna go superglue a shag carpet to my chest just so I can fit in.

In the 1970s, Brown developed a style of funk music known as go-go. As The Post writes, it “soundtracked life in black Washington for more than three decades.” Chuck Brown was the scene’s leader and most visible participant, inspiring groups like Trouble Funk and Rare Essence.

Brown’s group, Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers, had a national hit in 1978 with “Bustin’ Loose”, which topped the R&B singles chart and was later taken on as a home-run anthem for the city’s baseball team, the Washington Nationals. Nelly’s song “Hot in Herre” was built off of a sample of “Bustin’ Loose”. In 2009, the city of Washington named a street after him: Chuck Brown Way.

Fun fact: Brown also performed the theme song for The Sinbad Show in the 90s. What was *your* favorite episode? You’re probably gonna say episode 13, “The Dog Episode,” when a dog follows Zana home and she wants to adopt it. But you’re wrong. The real Sinbadophiles know that episode 3, “The Par-Tay” is a pitch-perfect satire of American excess, and is delivered with such craftsmanship that it makes episode 21, “The Family Reunion” look like episode 9, “Shades of Acceptance.” And, of course, that was a pile of dogshit.

And that’s today’s installment of “What’s the Most Embarrassing Tab Currently Open in James’ Firefox Window?”
 
Source: Pitchfork

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5.9.12: Prince Harry, the Pygmy Hippo – ADORABLE! Also: DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 10:23 am May 17, 2012

Prince Harry with caretaker Toni Inggs, who should feel free to contact me if she’d like some romantic, candlelit tips in re: hippo mourning.

 

You know, I normally don’t feel too bad about running a blog that capitalizes on other people’s pain and suffering. The main reason is that a steady diet of Effexor and Small Wonder repeats has scraped off most of the remnants of human emotion that somehow managed to cling to the interior of my psyche. But today I hang my (handsome) head in shame to report that Prince Harry, the beloved pygmy hippo that managed to momentarily steal the internet’s attention away from pictures of cats who have a questionable grasp on grammar, has died. He experienced heart failure during surgery to correct a hernia. Even sadder, there are only about 3,000 of his species in existence, making him the ideal choice of pet for both wealthy eccentrics and college students who are desperate to assert their individuality. Because dogs are for conformos.

Alright, it has to be stated: Yes, that hippo broke new ground when it came to being adorable, and I would suckerpunch the Pope just to get him to lick my face with his cute little hippo tongue. But the fact remains that he’s not an actual prince, and that kind of malfeasance is a sore spot for me. Between this loveable asshole, Prince, and Queen Latifah I’ve given out way too many unnecessary curtsies. You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson after taking medical advice from *both* Dr. Dre’s, but no. Seriously, what were the odds that *neither* of them were actually doctors?



Source: Mail Online

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