This Day in Death

9.25.16: Golf Legend Arnold Palmer – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 1:00 pm September 30, 2016

Palmer, seen here in the famous Masters Tournament Green Jacket. But the accolades didn’t stop there: In his decades-long career, Palmer won every bizarre golf trophy the game had to offer, including the Golden Teapot, the Accursed Moon Boot, and even the mythical Indigo Wifebeater. Oooh, I wasn’t even sure that last one was real!

As you probably haven’t noticed yet, we don’t do that many sports posts around here. Truthfully, I lost all my faith in sports when I found out that Tim Conway didn’t actually have his shins amputated for those Dorf On… movies. He was just standing in a hole! Commit to the craft or get the hell out of the sports-themed spoof film industry already, Conway!

But today we’re making a rare exception for legendary golfer Arnold Palmer, because I can respect a sport that encourages you to have other people carry your equipment so you don’t break a sweat/can maintain an air of superiority, which really emphasizes the psychological aspect of these kinds of things. After several years of failing health, Palmer passed away on Sunday due to complications caused by heart problems. He was 87 years old. Not “87 years young,” as your feisty grandpappy likes to say, because you know who doesn’t tack “young” onto the end of their age? Actual young people.

Palmer became one of the best known sports figures and, at 5-10, 175, a telegenic golfer who burst out of black-and-white television sets across the country in the late 1950s and into the 1960s and took the game to the masses.

“Arnold meant everything to golf. Are you kidding me?” Tiger Woods said . “I mean, without his charisma, without his personality in conjunction with TV — it was just the perfect symbiotic growth. You finally had someone who had this charisma, and they’re capturing it on TV for the very first time.

“Everyone got hooked to the game of golf via TV because of Arnold.”

So great was his fame that even Palmer’s name took on additional meaning. But having an “Arnold Palmer” means more than just masturbating to videos of Arnold Schwarzenegger working out in the 80s. It’s also the name of a drink consisting of three parts iced tea and one part lemonade. Notably, adding vodka to an Arnold Palmer makes it a John Daly, and adding a lime to a John Daly makes it awful. Limes are garbage.


Source: USA Today

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