This Day in Death

1.7.14: Chinese Movie Mogul Run Run Shaw – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:14 am January 13, 2014

RUN_RUN_SHAWWait, only 60% of your harem are princesses? Get back to me when you’ve learned a thing or two about decadence, Shaw.


It’s sad times for people who enjoy watching half-naked Asian dudes get sweaty with each other in a non-sexual context, because Kung Fu movie pioneer Run Run Shaw passed away last week. Shaw lived to the age of 106, because the Chinese have to be better than us at every goddamn thing. If they ever start making their own “Who Farted?” apparel we might as well concede defeat. You just know those shirts are gonna have some stunning hem work.

Mr. Shaw enjoyed the zany glamour of the Asian media world he helped create. He presided over his companies from a garish Art Deco palace in Hong Kong, a cross between a Hollywood mansion and a Hans Christian Andersen cookie castle. Well into his 90s he attended social gatherings with a movie actress on each arm. And he liked to be photographed in a tai chi exercise pose, wearing the black gown of a traditional mandarin.

Asked what his favorite films were, Mr. Shaw, a billionaire, once replied, “I particularly like movies that make money.”

Alright, so maybe Shaw’s business integrity could’ve been a bit more Russell Simmons and a lot less Gene Simmons, but his empire was still a testament to what you can do with the right amount of dedication and focus. That’s a lesson I’ve applied to this post, which I’ve completed despite having both of my index fingers stuck in a Chinese finger trap as a result of a rather misguided attempt at research. It’s the same way that I got trapped inside those Russian nesting dolls after Mikhail Kalashnikov died. Some days my life would be a lot easier if I didn’t know literally only one thing about every country.


Source: The NY Times

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10.8.12: Antisa Khvichava, World’s Oldest Woman – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 3:22 pm October 12, 2012

You know what’s awesome about being 132 years old? Struggling to drink water.

A woman in Georgia (that’s Georgia the shitty country, not Georgia the shitty state), who was supposedly the world’s oldest person at 132 years of age, has died today as the result of, I don’t know, turning her head slightly to the left or something. Sorry, but when you have to use a complex system of wires and pulleys just to blink I kinda have a hard time being too broken up about your passing onto the sweet relief that is absolutely anything else.

Experts have some doubt over the claims however, as all the documents stating her age were created long after Mrs Khvichava’s birth. Without documents dating from the 1880s, researchers said her real age is likely to remain a mystery.

The oldest living person at the moment is 116-year-old Besse Cooper from the state of Georgia in the USA. Her birth can be officially proven to have been in August 1896.

GodDAMMIT! This better not just be more supercentenarians hoaxing the world for fame and fortune. I already got rolled by that bitch Dina Manfredini for, like, a year’s supply of Werther’s Originals. These people are a menace, what with their forged records and their afghans that cover their entire bodies, even in the summer. What are they hiding under there, anyway…? Is it drugs? I bet it’s drugs. If only something could stop them, like a drafty window, or a 2-foot fall, or finding out there’s a black president. I’m not saying we need to get rid of them *all*, I’m just saying that we should brand and microchip anyone over 50 for easy tracking and, if deemed necessary and/or entertaining by a court of myself and people who agree with me about everything, violent public execution. And then maybe we make their bodies into little puppets. Honestly, I’m not even sure how you could reasonably take issue with that.

Also, how is Supercentenarian Age Verification Challenge not on the Game Show Network right now?

Source: The Independent

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