This Day in Death

8.14.12: Smoke, Donkey Mascot for the US Military in Iraq – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 11:17 am August 24, 2012

Pictured: An adorable, loving animal who boosted troop morale during and after wartime. Annnnnd now your weekend sucks.


The donkey above is Smoke, who died last week after being rescued from a Middle East warzone and adopted as an unofficial mascot for US soldiers stationed in Iraq, where apparently there’s been some sort of conflict in recent years. I wouldn’t know, since I stopped paying attention to politics or culture in general after 1999, the universally agreed upon peak year of human achievement. Lance Armstrong got crazy doped up and won the Tour de France, NASA was crashing shit into other shit like the galaxy was a goddamn Michael Bay movie, and the New Radicals unleashed “You Get What You Give,” the first of what I’m sure has been a string of mega-successful hits that aren’t in the least bit embarrassing with the benefit of hindsight.

But, if I’ve been missing anything for the past however many years have passed, it’s gotta be the addition of badass donkey warriors, blazing their way through the desert with dual rocket launchers on their shoulders and teaching Iraqi schoolchildren valuable lessons about staying away from drugs and not drinking any water darker than “Pewter Cast” on the Sherwin-Williams Color Visualizer. God, I’m so pumped now! LET’S GET SOME MOTHERFUCKING STATS IN HERE, BLOCK QUOTE!!!!

The donkey learned to walk into offices and open desk drawers to find apples, carrots and other treats planted there by Marines.

Hmm. Okay, well, granted that I often get stymied trying to open drawers myself and therefore can’t really criticize, but that *is* a little underwhelming. It’s still not as bad as when I found out that actual seals are rarely if ever allowed to join the Navy Seals. You know, it’s revelations like that that really make global military conflicts seem less than inviting. Sure, I realize it’s technically war and all that, but what joykilling dictator decided we can’t have some fun with it?


Source: Yahoo!

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