This Day in Death

5.10.12: Automotive Designer Carroll Shelby – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:38 am May 16, 2012

You get Burt Reynolds in there riding shotgun with a Great Dane and you’ve got a movie I will pay literally any sum of money to see.

Famed race car driver and automotive designer Carroll Shelby is dead today at the age of 89 due to complications suffered from pneumonia. He actually died last Thursday, but if you’re expecting to get hard-hitting, up to the minute news from a site with an “old people” tag and a scythe in the logo you probably need a tutorial on the way this whole ‘internet’ thing works. Come to think of it, how’d you even manage to find this blog? Did you Ask Jeeves or something? Ha! That’s a burn, Hypothetical Luddite Reader!

While perhaps best known now for his Shelby Cobras and Shelby Mustangs, his auto foothold came as a notable race driver. And among his enduring, endearing accomplishments as a car builder, Shelby broke the class barrier that had made European brands the elite in road racing.

Representing the proletariat, his innovative, now-legendary Cobras with their “crude” Ford push-rod V-8s gave the high-revving, overhead-camshaft Porsches and Ferraris a sour taste by winning the Grand Touring World Championship in 1965.

It was a prelude to a bigger win: the famous 1-2-3 finish in 1966 in the 24 Hours of Le Mans by Ford GT40 Mark II’s he engineered, breaking Ferrari’s domination.

With Shelby gone someone will have to take charge and start coming up with all the new, groundbreaking automotive advancements, and I think most people would agree it should be me. For instance, have you tried adding more wheels? Like, just a crazy amount of wheels, attached everywhere? Oh, but that would probably cause more wind resistance. I wonder if the speed gained from the increased wheel count would compensate for the additional drag. How do you calculate that, anyway? Is that what the Pythagorean theorem is for? Ugh. Being a visionary is pretty hard after all. Now I know how that sound effects guy from Police Academy felt.


Source: USA Today

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4.5.12: Automotive Designer Ferdinand A. Porsche – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:30 am April 18, 2012

“…and then sometimes it just goes backwards. Just out of nowhere! And you can’t stop it! It’s fucking hilarious when you see that shit!”


Once, during a game of trivia, I overheard someone on a competing team come up with the name ‘Clark Gable Duncan’ while trying to remember Michael Clark Duncan’s name. I decided then and there that ‘Clark Gable Duncan’ would be my alias during any situation that would require me to use an assumed name. But that’s all changed, since I’m now aware of the name Ferdinand A. Porsche. Seriously! Ferdinand A. Porsche! That name just screams highbrow intellectualism, and if there’s one thing a prostitute expects when she hesitantly follows me into a Motel 6, it’s sophistication.

Oh, the real guy is dead now, by the way.

Ferdinand A. Porsche, who designed the original Porsche 911, the snazzy, powerful sports car that became the lasting signature of the German automobile company founded by his grandfather and later run by his father, died on Thursday in Salzburg, Austria. He was 76.

Porsche A.G., whose headquarters are in Zuffenhausen, near Stuttgart, Germany, announced the death in a statement. No cause was given.

Yeah… No big surprise there: Germans aren’t real big fans of publicly explaining mysterious deaths. That’s right, Germany! Almost 70 years later and we’re still making Holocaust jokes! Wakka wakka!


Source: The New York Times

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