You know what I like about that Alf? Lost his family, his planet, everything he’s ever known, but still manages to have a good time in life. It’s really something we could all learn from, and that’s why I’m gonna keep sending season 1 DVDs to those Somali refugees until they get the message. Nobody ever found a new home by moping, Basheer Buzzkill!
Hey, remember pre-Pog-form Alf? If you’re too young to remember, or just spent too much time reading books like a fucking square, Alf was a crass yet lovable television alien that lived with a human family in the suburbs of California and had a big thing about eating cats. Alex Jones called it “an explosive documentary series the government doesn’t want you to see,” then gave four hours of airtime to a definitely sober Midwest farmer who saw some lights one time. That dude is about to blow this whole thing wide open!
Well, it turns out Alf was nothing more than a sub-Henson puppet all along, except during brief full-body shots, when his furry Melmacian corpse was worn like a damn Navajo skin-walker by wee little man Michu Meszaros, who died recently after falling into a coma.
The Hungarian-born Meszaros got his start as a circus entertainer, where he was billed as “the smallest man in the world.” This despite the fact that, at 2′ 9″, he was not only not the shortest man in the world, but Wiki editors didn’t even find his height notable enough to include him on its list of the shortest people. The whole thing is grossly inconsistent, and if there’s one thing that really gets me in a dander, it’s vertical impropriety. I wish I could say I was surprised, though: The little people community is always up to something shady, you just never noticed because your head wasn’t tilted down far enough.
A GoFundMe page was recently launched to help Meszaros with medical expenses, as he struggled with health issues up until his death, and funeral costs. The organizer of the page, Richard Leo LaMotte, wrote on his Facebook page that the actor had died.
You know, something I never understood about Alf is that he was given that name by the family he lived with, even though he already had a perfectly inconspicuous name; Gordon. Seems like a bit of a passive-aggressive move on the Tanners’ part, like they wanted to show that they could really take or leave being witness to the first proof of alien life. I don’t know what it was about sitcom families from that era housing inhuman, otherworldly guests and forcing them to fit into our societal norms, but we accepted that shit without question for way too long. Alf shoved a creature who knew how to fly spaceship into a Tommy Bahama shirt, Harry and the Hendersons had a sentient sasquatch agreeing to answer to a goofy pun name despite the fact that at any moment he could’ve made bone jewelry out of that whole family if he wanted to, and Small Wonder figured that throwing a 1920s school marm outfit on a robot should go far enough towards keeping the neighbors from blowing up their spot. Still, televisions writers didn’t get unforgivably lazy until Who’s the Boss? tried to convince me that anyone would voluntarily leave young children alone with an Italian. You know he’s just gonna try to bake them into a pizza pie, it’s all they know!