This Day in Death

4.21.12: Nixon Aide Chuck Colson – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:30 am April 26, 2012

Oh, that Doonesbury! How deliciously perspicacious! What’s that? You didn’t get it? Well, we can’t *all* go to college. I think I might have a water-damaged Marmaduke or two around here somewhere…


Chuck Colson, former aide to Richard Nixon, died on Saturday from complications related to a brain hemorrhage. Colson was the man behind Nixon’s famous “Enemies List,” which probably means he was a lot of fun to be around.

Colson was Nixon’s special counsel and was part of the Watergate scandal which led to Nixon’s resignation. He was known as the president’s “hatchet man,” and also served on Nixon’s re-election committee, which plotted and attempted to steal information from the Democratic Party headquarters.

Don’t bother looking it up; “Hatchet Man” is not an awesome new Juggalo-themed superhero. It’s just a misleading name for the kind of job that requires you to wear a tie that hasn’t been drawn directly onto your t-shirt. Looks like God’s path for me is still Federal Breast Inspector for at least one more day.

But Colson wasn’t just a shameless mudslinger who contributed to his nation’s gradual sense of total disillusionment with their elected officials, a decline in morale that has successfully transformed America into a veritable ant farm of desensitized IKEA patrons who can’t be bothered to vote unless a new M&M color is at stake. Oh no, he was also a pioneer of the now-classic “seriously, you guys, I’m totes changed” approach to pre-incarceration repentance.

Colson pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and served seven months of a one-to-three year prison sentence.

Prior to the start of his prison sentence, Colson became a born-again Christian. After his release from an Alabama prison, Colson founded Prison Fellowship, a nonprofit organization that conducts outreach to prisoners to “seek the transformation of prisoners… through the power and truth of Jesus Christ.”

Alright, I admit this is a pretty cynical post, but it’s hard not to be a bit of an ass about an administration that put both Colson and Ben Stein into the public consciousness. Because of Stein I have to hold my tongue every time someone still thinks it’s fucking hilarious to say “Bueller… Bueller…?” to an unresponsive crowd. Plus, he wore sneakers on every episode of Win Ben Stein’s Money. Dick Clark never would’ve strolled out onto the set of Pyramid in Crocs. Have some respect for the medium!


Souce: CBS News

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