This Day in Death

12.23.13: Mikhail Kalashnikov, Inventor of the AK-47 – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:50 pm January 2, 2014

Russia Obit KalashnikovOh, cool, this post should go well; Nothing screams “reasonable, well-researched article” like an American writing about guns in 2014.


Mikhail Kalashnikov, the creator of the infamous AK-47 assault rifle, has died as a result of a gastric hemorrhage. In tribute, rapper Ice Cube opted to use his AK, despite the fact that he had been having an otherwise good day.

Kalashnikov lamented that his creation had fallen into the hands of terrorists, instead of being used exclusively for the purpose of Russian borderland defense, often claiming that the government is the reason he wasn’t developing agricultural equipment instead:

“I’m proud of my invention, but I’m sad that it is used by terrorists,” he said on a visit to Germany, adding: “I would prefer to have invented a machine that people could use and that would help farmers with their work – for example a lawnmower.”

But, come on, that’s a bit of a cop out. It’s a gun. It’s a device that kills things that you point it at. You can’t really claim you were blindsided when the deadly weapon you put into the world got used by the guys you didn’t want using it. Terrorists don’t tend to worry much about original intent; That whole “I’ll kill you because my God is one of love” thing should’ve tipped you off that there was an outside chance of that happening. I knew when I created this blog, with the noble intent of soliciting hate mail so that I might once again experience some form of human emotion, that it would eventually be hijacked by spambots looking to share unbelievable deals on genuine Versace winterwear. It’s a risk we geniuses accept when the protective membrane that holds back all of our intellectual metaspheres can no longer withstand the strain of our brains’ solar flare-like brilliance, causing our revolutionary thoughtwaves to burst forth and wash over an existentially-unprepared world, recasting it in the glow of a color that only exists in the visible spectrum of those of us gifted with the proper ocular nanostructures. (We also get very different biology textbooks in high school.)

Besides, it’s not like you can’t hurt someone with a lawnmower. Hell, sticking your hand into a flywheel is the official pastime of the state of Florida, and I don’t see John Deere pussyfooting around the carnage his murderwagons hath wrought. Sometimes you just gotta own that shit.

Source: The Guardian

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