This Day in Death

1.11.13: Ariel Sharon – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:32 pm January 15, 2014

ARIEL_SHARONGoat boa is fashion worth the risk of contracting foot-and-mouth disease for.

 

Unsuccessful prop comic Ariel Sharon died over the weekend after being in a coma for eight years following a stroke suffered in 2006. You’ve probably never seen his comedy routine, or even heard of him, such was the extent of his failure to break through into the mainstream. I blame his name. It just doesn’t scan as very funny, and as someone who’s sat through a lot of Kathy Griffin specials, I consider myself qualified to make that call. Hang on… Wait wait… Wait, let me doublecheck my notes… Okay… Alright. Upon closer reading it turns out Sharon was actually the former Prime Minister of Israel. Okay. Well, in that case I guess the name isn’t too odd after all, but I still maintain you’re not gonna pack the Guffaw Hut in Sioux City, Iowa with it.

Many in the Arab world called Sharon “the Butcher of Beirut” after he oversaw Israel’s 1982 invasion of Lebanon while serving as defense minister.

He was a major figure in many defining events in the Middle East for decades, including his decision to turn over Gaza and parts of the West Bank to Palestinian control.

Sorry, I wanted to keep going here, but honestly after all these years this whole conflict “Israeli” starting to bore me. Ha! Now that’s how you structure a good joke, Sharon!

 

Source: CNN

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9.28.12: Star of “Babylon 5″ Michael O’Hare – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 3:30 pm October 2, 2012

What, no epaulettes? Let me ask you a question, costumer designer Ann Bruice Aling; Do you just not give any kind of a shit at all?

 

Michael O’Hare, star of “Babylon 5,” is dead today after suffering a heart attack and subsequent coma. O’Hare played Finnigan McDougal, the no-nonsense chief captain of the U.S.S. Babylon, which traveled through space looking for the magic portal that would take them back home. Or something like that, probably. Look, I’m really having a hard time keeping all of this nerd stuff straight. Honestly, I can’t wait for this whole geek fad to pass so that we can all get back to wearing zoot suits and listening to the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. Now *that* was a minor fad that was built to last.


Source: Variety

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5.20.12: Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees – DEAD! A TDiD Follow-Up!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 10:25 am May 21, 2012

So that settles that: We CAN exist without Photoshop.

 

Today I have the… honor?… of posting the first-ever TDiD Follow-Up Report. So, uh… let’s do that, as uncomfortably as possible.

I know some of you don’t remember, or maybe weren’t even alive for, mid-April 2012, so here are a few key points from the era. Ask your parents for more information:

The GOP had not yet caught the so-called “Romney Fever” that seems so ingrained in our culture nowadays. FOX entertained dozens with a single dazzling season of The Finder. In the music world, Madonna’s MDNA was number one on the Billboard charts, because people with massive brain damage were still legally allowed to use money. And lastly, the Bee Gees’ Robin Gibb fell into a coma following complications related to pneumonia and colorectal cancer.

Well, unfortunately Gibb passed away yesterday at the age of 62, and I think I pretty much covered all of the other salient points in my previous post. I guess the idea of having a follow-up post is that I can half-ass it and go eat a big box of Fiddle Faddle instead of sitting here for another 15 minutes. If you feel like this is cheating you out of content I really would like to hear your thoughts. Please consult the email you received with your TDiD Platinum Subscription for the details of my personal Dedication Pledge. Also, I encourage you to message memberservices@thisdayindeath.com with your concerns. Wait, let me check something. Oh… Well, it looks like that email address doesn’t exist and there is no Platinum Subscription service. In fact, none of you freeloaders have given me a goddamn nickel for this shit. So maybe you can feel grateful for the fact that I care more venting my bilious rage than paying the rent and just be glad you got anything at all today.



Source: CNN

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4.15.12: Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees – HANGING ON!

Filed under: Hanging On —James @ 8:44 am April 16, 2012

Robin is the cool-looking one.

 

According to, uh, Catholic Online (because it was the first search result and research is hard), Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees has fallen into a coma after a bout of pneumonia and is reportedly near death. So get ready to delete those two Whitney Houston songs you frantically downloaded in February and replace them with “To Love Somebody” and “I Started a Joke.” Pretending to give a shit must be exhausting.

The development comes as little surprise: Gibb has been in failing health for the past few years, including suffering from a twisted bowel, which is behind only Pink Sock Disease on my list of shamefully humorous yet bizarre illnesses that I had previously assumed were just made up to justify the continued production of ER. I really need to stop making so many lists.

Alright, Block Quote: Give me something to fill out this post so I don’t have to resort to the weak “Stayin’ Alive” joke everyone on Facebook is gonna be patting themselves on the back for making next week.

News of Gibb’s condition elicited a flood of support on social network sites and in the music community.

Rocker Peter Frampton tweeted “My positive thoughts go out to Robin Gibb and all of the Gibb family. I am wishing you the best and hope for a quick recovery. Much love 2 U.”

“Much love 2 U?” Jesus, Frampton, is Prince writing your tweets for you? It’s nice to see that you treat a fellow musician’s imminent death with the same solemn dignity that a fourteen-year-old girl injects into a one-handed text message. Make a damn effort and type that shit out. You’re already on thin ice for Blues Brothers 2000. If movies could feel shame that thing would’ve committed seppuku on opening night.

 



Source: Catholic Online

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3.18.12: Gallagher – HANGING ON!

Filed under: Hanging On —James @ 3:47 am March 22, 2012

Prop comedy *and* a trash ‘stache? He must use that sledgehammer to beat back the constant waves of pussy.


American’s favorite dated, food-themed prop comic (step it up, Carrot Top!) Gallagher is recovering from a heart attack and medically induced coma. In solidarity, please fly your finest transparent plastic tarp at half-mast tomorrow.

Hey Block Quote! Why do you hot dogs come in packages of 8 while hot dog buns come in packages of 10? That’s just wacky!

The funnyman, 65, was taken out of a medically induced coma Sunday morning, and began moving and breathing on his own shortly afterward, according to E! News.

The comedian was put under after suffering a heart attack before taking the stage at a bar last Wednesday, marking his second heart attack in the span of a year.

According to early reports, the comedian complained of chest pains before his show at the Hat Tricks club in Leweisville, and was rushed to a nearby Texas hospital.

The medically induced coma was considered a precautionary step.

It’s hard to have a lot of sympathy for Gallagher’s career, what with the dated and arguably bigoted material, the insane boasts about creating the mosh pit and being a touring college lecturer, and the half-assed attempt to frame being stronger than fruit as social commentary. But Gallagher pulling through serves a very important purpose; Every redneck county fair that he plays draws a crowd away from Jeff Dunham and his cavalcade of racist puppet mouthpieces. A dead terrorist skeleton? Oh Dunham! Are there any toes you won’t step on?


Source: NY Daily News

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