This Day in Death

9.23.12: Week-Old Panda Cub – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:25 am September 24, 2012

The cub’s mother on the pandacam, which is a camera that shows video *of* pandas, and not a camera actually made *from* pandas. Names are confusing.


So a giant panda cub that was born in the National Zoo a week ago died yesterday morning, but I don’t want you sending me your bummed out emails about it. I don’t control who dies. The fact that there’s nothing on this site about Dax Shepard should attest to that. Seriously, his first name is actually Dax and he’s not even an extreme skateboarder or a member of the X-Men or anything.

A necropsy was being conducted to determine the cause of death, and preliminary findings were expected Monday, said Suzan Murray, the zoo’s chief veterinarian. The cub showed no external signs of trauma, she said.

The panda cub did not yet have a name, in keeping with Chinese tradition, and it was too young for its gender to be discerned. It all suggests that the cub could’ve faked its death to remain off the grid. My uncle did the same thing and now he heads up a successful militia cell. I’m just saying it happens, is all.

At the zoo’s panda-themed gift shop, Diana Salguero, 24, of Manassas, Va., was trying on a headband with panda ears when she learned from a reporter about the cub’s death.

“I want to cry right now,” she said. “I’m heartbroken. I’ve been excited all week. That’s why I came out today.”

Yeah, that reporter sounds like an Geraldo-level dick, just roaming the countryside looking for the best way to ruin people’s day. You couldn’t at least wait for her to take off the headband, you fucking ghoul? It’s probably the same guy who told me that Toni Inggs is “probably a tranny anyway.” Fine, I can work around that, just let me believe in love again!

Source: Huffington Post

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