This Day in Death

9.19.13: Former President of Nintendo Hiroshi Yamauchi – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:22 pm September 23, 2013

HIROSHI_YAMAUCHIAh, the ’90s: Truly the height of barrel roll-based gaming.


Former President and CEO of Nintendo Hiroshi Yamauchi has died at the age of 85. He slipped off of an ice-covered platform inexplicably located next to a bottomless abyss. That’s just shoddy city planning, why are there not fences around those things? I told you guys not to elect King Toadstool, but all you people seem to base your vote on is how hot the candidate’s daughter is. You brought this on yourselves as far as I’m concerned.

So what exactly did Yamauchi contribute to the world of Personal Recreational Home-Based Video Amusement Gaming (©)? Plenty, I’m sure, but apparently not nearly enough for the folks at Digital Trends, who opted to deliver bizarrely-inflated accolades via some sort of linguistic Rube Goldberg machine. Alright, motherfuckers! LET’S! GET! TENUOUS!

Try this one: If there is no Hiroshi Yamauchi, he’s not there to hire his family friend’s son, Shigeru Miyamoto. Thus there’s no Super Mario Bros. If there’s no Super Mario Bros., then a teenage programmer named John Carmack will never build the groundbreaking engine for his PC that emulates the background scrolling in Super Mario Bros. 3. If he doesn’t make that engine, he doesn’t make Wolfenstein 3D and Doom with his friends. If he doesn’t make those games, the first-person shooter boom never happens.

Oh, come on. If you’re gonna backtrack like that you can’t just pick your inception point of choice and claim everything radiated out from there. You’d have to take this particular thread at least as far back as Thomas Edison, and that guy didn’t know dick about video games. Seriously, what a loser: Over a thousand patents and not a one of them involved strategically jumping over crates or energy packs that restore failing health on contact. Why’d we even bother making that asshole Emperor of America anyway?

Source: Digital Trends