This Day in Death

8.25.12: Neil Armstrong – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 10:22 am August 27, 2012

FINE, YOU WENT TO THE MOON. THAT’S AWESOME. Have you ever been to Tampa? Well, I guess we’ve both done some pretty cool things then.


Neil Armstrong, the first man to both walk *and* c-walk (probably) on the moon died on Saturday at the age of 82. I mean, that’s all assuming you buy into this whole “landing on the moon” thing. I’ve got some interesting typo-filled literature I printed off from a Geocities site that I think will really open your eyes. Then, when you’re ready, I’ll explain how the US government isn’t actually allowed to make you pay an income tax. It has a lot to do with the completely undeniable FACT! that the Constitution was in reality just written 23 years ago by then-“President” H.W. Bush and his Skull & Bones cronies. IT’S EXACTLY LIKE IN 1984, SHEEPLE.

[Current NASA administrator Charles] Bolden also noted that in the years after the moonwalk, Mr. Armstrong “carried himself with a grace and humility that was an example to us all.” The historian Douglas Brinkley, who interviewed Mr. Armstrong for a NASA oral history, described him as “our nation’s most bashful Galahad.” His family called him “a reluctant hero who always believed he was just doing his job.”

Indeed, some space officials have cited these characteristics, as well as his engineering skills and experience piloting X-15 rocket planes, as reasons that Mr. Armstrong stood out in the astronaut corps. After the post-flight parades and a world tour for the three Apollo 11 astronauts, Mr. Armstrong gradually withdrew from the public eye. He was not reclusive, but as much as possible he sought to lead a private life, first as an associate administrator in the space program, then as a university professor and director of a number of corporations.

In retrospect it’s kinda stunning to think about Armstrong being allowed to lead such a dignified life. Ever since Pepsi purchased the moon in 2004, that kind of thing would be in flagrant breach of contract. Nowadays Armstrong would be required to shoot four seasons of a reality show with Ruben Studdard and one of the Menendez brothers.

Armstrong’s death comes only a month after fellow astronaut, and first American woman in space, Sally Ride passed away. Meanwhile William Shatner is still waddling around the convention circuit despite having reached what appeared to be critical mass some decades ago, and all he had to do was whiff a couple of right hooks at some unlucky extra in a lizard costume. Jesus, Death is more ironic than an LMFAO fan.

Source: The New York Times

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