This Day in Death

6.6.12: Lesley Brown, Mother of First In-Vitro-Fertilization Baby – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:26 am June 25, 2012

Look at it, pretending to sleep while secretly plotting. Scheming… What are you working on? What are you up to… ?

 

You know, whenever I walk around downtown metropolitan areas I can’t help but wonder: Where are all the people? Sometimes I walk into a Jimmy John’s and can almost reach the counter without having to squeeze through a jungle of dangling arm fat and “YOLO” wifebeaters. Maybe that kind of wide open terrain works out in the sticks, or in mildly uninhabitable hellscapes like Des Moines, but here in real cities literally every square inch of space should be occupied by some obnoxious person’s obnoxious spawn. It’s a good thing I’m not agoraphobic, because living on a planet with a paltry 7 billion other people is like being the goddamn Omega Man.

Sadly, as we teeter on the cusp of dangerous underpopulation, we’ve lost one of the generals in our war against measured reproduction.

Lesley Brown, who gave birth to the world’s first in-vitro-fertilization baby, has died at age 64, according to news reports from Britain.

Brown made history July 25, 1978, when her daughter Louise was born at Oldham District General Hospital in Greater Manchester (photo) after undergoing pioneering IVF treatments by Patrick Steptoe and Robert Edwards. She and her husband tried to have a baby for nine years previously, but her Fallopian tubes were blocked.

That’s right! When God practically told Brown, “I actually think we’re good for new people right now, thanks”, she decided she wasn’t having any of that shit. Brown flew up to Heaven on a winged horse called Science (metaphorically) and told that pushy, omniscient son of a bitch to cram it in his Godhole. Then, just to make sure He fully understood who was in charge here:

Brown later delivered another daughter, Natalie, who was also conceived through IVF.

A second daughter! Seriously! Just to smite God and biology! She probably didn’t even *want* that one, but you can’t afford to show any weakness around these celestial deities. And that’s why we posthumously award you, Lesley Brown, the first ever TDiD Medal of Indiscriminate Procreation:

 

 

Because if I wanted to be able to find an open parking space on the same block as my apartment I’d drive a Smart Car. And sister… I ain’t driving a Smart Car.

 

Source: USA Today

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