This Day in Death

7.11.15: Nintendo Chief Executive Satoru Iwata – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 1:11 pm July 17, 2015

SATORU_IWATAIwata with Luigi, probably snickering about how Birdo turned out to be transgendered. That kind of gossip isn’t cool anymore, you guys. No H8!


Satoru Iwata, Chief Executive for Nintendo, has passed away due to a bile duct growth. Doctors described it as being “totally gross,” and claimed the growth made them “barf like a million times.” Kind of an inappropriate response coming from medical professionals but it’s not like we weren’t all wondering anyway.

Known for pushing back against complicated and expensive video games, Mr. Iwata quipped at a 2006 conference that had Tetris been introduced then, it would have required better graphics and a film deal to be feasible. In the same speech, Mr. Iwata gave a sort of coda on his views on gaming: “Video games are meant to be just one thing. Fun. Fun for everyone.”

If you’re under the age of 30, then first of all I highly suggest you begin a regimen of bottling your sparkling, youthful blood and other bodily fluids for future preservation. They are full of sacred minerals that may hold the secret to longevity and eternal sexual potency. But also, you may not be aware that Nintendo, perennial bronze-taker in the video game wars, used to be a juggernaut of the industry. It’s true! Back in the 90s, there were two major systems duking it out for your Josta-soaked dollar, and whichever side you fell on told the entire neighborhood what kind of kid you were. Your parents either got you a Nintendo Entertainment System, or they got you a shoebox with a picture of Sonic the Hedgehog drawn on the inside. Oh yes, I admit I spent many a solitary Friday night staring at that idiot box, dreaming of me and my best/only buddy Sonic getting to that next exciting level… Or any level, I guess. Really, witnessing any kind of movement at all would’ve been amazing. In retrospect it seems like a pretty crude system, but that’s just the way technology makes things look obsolete with time.

Source: NY Times

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6.22.15: Donald Featherstone, Creator of the Flamingo Lawn Ornament – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 4:53 pm July 3, 2015

DONALD_FEATHERSTONEAll I’m saying is that, if the gay mafia is so worried about reinforcing stereotypes, they’d do well to find a slightly less whimsical method of gangland reprisal.


Donald Featherstone, the creator of the pink plastic lawn flamingo, has died at the age of 79. If you’ve ever wondered about the origin of the well-known ornament, but only wanted to hear the story if it was completely boring and unremarkable in every way, then you and your weird adrenal gland are in luck:

“…They asked me to work on a duck, so I went to buy a real duck to study. I named him Charlie. When I had the plastic duck done, set him free in Cogshall Park. They then asked me to do a flamingo,” he said.

“You can’t go locally and buy a flamingo, so I got some books, and one that had some good shots was National Geographic. I made the silhouette, then put on the clay and that’s how it all got started.”

“Basically, I did my job.” Well, touché, interviewer who expected a lot more than that. To be fair, Featherstone eventually became president of Union Products, the company he made the decorations for. So let that be a lesson for all of us: Keep your nose down, do your job well, stop stealing syrup from the soda fountains at work, and someday you’ll definitely be managing that Sbarro’s and pulling in a rather tasty $37k annual salary. Then you steal the syrup.

For those outside of America’s majestic trailer park circuit (AAA refers to it as the “Meth Belt”), you may not be aware that the pink flamingo lawn ornament has become a symbol of distinction and class division. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this comparison, and while you’re at it, stop second-guessing me all the damn time, you bunch of Doubting Dorothys.



Pretty conclusive stuff, right? Well hang onto your acid wash cutoffs, because those’re actually the same trailer! That’s right: Just eight bucks’ worth of painted plastic is all it takes to let your neighbors know that, yeah, you might be getting approved for that payday loan after all.

Source: NPR

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