This Day in Death

8.11.14: Robin Williams – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 7:12 pm August 14, 2014

ROBIN_WILLIAMSWilliams in his breakout role in Mork & Mindy, the show that put rainbow suspenders on the map. Yeah, the map of Dorksylvania! NERD SLAM!

 

 

Beloved actor and comedian Robin Williams was found dead in his home on Monday. Evidence suggests that his struggle with depression had driven him to commit suicide. It’s going to be to tough to make jokes about the tragic loss of such an esteemed figure without being offensive, but luckily I was born a lillywhite coward so I’m just gonna not even try. Hey, I’m just honoring my heritage. Either respect the beliefs of my yellow-bellied forefathers or you might find yourself the victim of a terse, anonymous comment on your YouTube channel some day.

But I guess we still need to find something to do around here… Hey, it looks like NJ.com was able to find the one Jersey resident whose hands weren’t completely slathered in bronzer and let him use the community Lenovo to gather a bunch of celebrity Tweets, so let’s just mock those instead. I appreciate the legwork, guys. Your greasy state is alright.

OH IS RICHARD LEWIS JEWISH? YOU’D THINK HE’D ALLUDE TO IT SOMEWHERE!

Frankly I’m flabbergasted. Maybe this was some kind of personal in-joke between him and Williams, but that wouldn’t explain the hundreds of retweets. I’m gonna assume we collectively didn’t wanna look anti-Semitic, so we just kinda wrote Lewis a blank check on this one and told ourselves this made some kind of sense. This is really more our bad than his.

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Those of you who are both longtime readers and don’t suffer from memory loss due to crippling Benzodiazapine addictions (which my click traffic Venn diagram tells me consists solely of one Gary Lepinksi of Cincinnati, Ohio. Way to keep your engine clean, Gar!) will note that this isn’t the first time Cher has blindly tripped over profundity following a respected celebrity’s death. Still, I almost kind of get what she thinks she’s saying this time. Do you have a follow-up Tweet that’s a bit more… Lennie Small-esque, we’ll say?

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Eh, I still kinda understand. When I read Cher’s Tweets I wanna be legitimately concerned that I may be having an aneurism. Deeper!!

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Theeere it is. Sorry, but Cher’s Twitter feed is an endless source of both amusement and shocking ineptitude for me. It’s like a fountain that only spouts schadenfreude. Truly, it give Great. But tread carefully! It can also, for those who don’t exercise caution, Take All.

Source: NJ.com and Twitter

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7.25.14: David Lee Roth… ’s Uncle Manny – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 7:05 pm August 8, 2014

MANNY_ROTHThe world mourns for David Lee Roth, aka Diamond Dave, the legendary frontman for hard rock pioneers Van Halen, as he mourns the death of his significantly less famous uncle Manny (lower right inset).

 

Well, you’re here now, so you might as well read the rest of this thing, despite the false pretense of the title. Hey, that’s how they got me to watch eight seasons of Home Improvement before I realized I was still no closer to knowing how to weatherproof my deck. You take your losses.

Anyway, Manny Roth was the owner of “Cafe Wha?,” the famous Greenwich Village nightclub that was home to all manner of 60s counter-culture weirdos from Lenny Bruce to Bob Dylan to Jimi Hendrix. “Cafe Wha?,” of course, was a shortened version of the club’s original name; “Cafe What the Hell is in Allen Ginsberg’s Beard?” (Shrimp scampi. It was shrimp scampi.)

In 1959, someone told Mr. Roth about a garage that used to be an old horse stable on Macdougal between Bleecker and West Third Streets. You had to go down steep stairs to reach the dark, dank basement, which was bisected by a trough once used as a gutter for horse dung. Mr. Roth immediately recognized it as an excellent site for a coffee house — that legendary genre of cafe where, at least in the haziness of memory, hipsters smoked, sipped espresso and discussed Sartre.

I’m not sure what kind of mental state a person has to be in to see the crusted remains of animal feces and immediately think, “yeah, people should probably be eating here,” but somehow it worked and, despite a temporary change of ownership, continues to operate to this day. So if you were looking for a place to hang out with hipsters so entrenched in their own haughtiness that their chunky glasses only work if they’re looking at an Arcade Fire concert, Cafe Wha? in 2014 is probably a safe bet. Or, if you wanted to get even deeper into the culture, I hear the new place to hang out and pretend to work on your manuscript is a club situated on a single plank of wood protruding from the remains of a tenement fire somewhere on Detroit’s lower east side. The WiFi password is “PuppyPaws87.”


Source: The NY Times

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7.19.14: James Garner – DEAD!

Filed under: Uncategorized —James @ 7:19 am August 3, 2014

JAMES_GARNERHey, I had that issue! Yeah, I used to wrap it around my Princess Di fanzines in middle school. Made a solid spitball shield as well, if I recall. Anyway, she was the People’s Princess, you know.

 

Sad news as actor James Garner has passed away due to a massive heart attack. But you know what’s still alive? My love of spicy salsa music. The rhythm’s gonna getcha!

You probably know Garner best from his work on The Rockford Files, the Files being the worst football team the Rockford, Illinois school district ever founded (Ha, I misunderstood the concept!). He also starred in Maverick, which I never saw but have to assume was about a guy named Johnny Maverick traveling the country obeying local laws and ordinances. When did you get so on the nose, television?

He was fiercely independent, challenging the studios on both “Maverick” and “Rockford” when he felt he wasn’t being treated fairly. He sued studios twice and won both times.

Garner was also a longtime political activist. He helped organize the 1963 March on Washington and frequently donated to Democratic candidates and liberal causes.

Ah, the Democrats; Endearingly clueless at first, then infuriatingly bumbling for years to come. Really the Steve Urkels of American politics. Actually, I believe they used all of those donations to buy a sweet new slogan in ’76:

DEMOCRATS

Sorry, but if you really wanna make a difference, grassroots efforts are the only place where your good intentions might not be ground down into a gritty paste by the bootheel of political corruption. For instance, you could donate to my lawsuit against Target for willfully selling me this “My Swag is Ill” t-shirt. It turns out that it grossly misrepresents the nature of my swag, and they failed to inform me of this at the time of purchase. That’s definitely on them.


Source: CNN

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