This Day in Death

10.6.12: Guitarist Nick Curran – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 4:54 pm October 8, 2012

Okay, I know this looks silly, but I promise you that everything in this picture has a deep, personal meaning. Except the hairnet, that’s just baller. And sanitary, to boot!

 

Guitarist Nick Curran, who played with the Fabulous Thunderbirds in recent years, died of cancer on Saturday. Unfortunately the only joke I have is a shitty one about his epitaph saying he wasn’t “tuff enuff,” but he didn’t even play on that song so that’s just stupid. God, comedy is hard. You guys, I swear; Once I get through these Dave Barry books this site is gonna get a lot funnier.

Curran was diagnosed with oral cancer in 2010, and though he was proclaimed cancer-free by June 2010, it returned in October 2011.

Curran played in a number of bands, including Deguello and The Lowlifes, and was also a member of blues rock band The Fabulous Thunderbirds, for whom he played guitar from 2005 to 2007.

Bummer. That’s almost as rough as the time Gwen Stefani murdered Adam Yauch. “Oral cancer” sounds way less sexy now. I really have to start looking these terms up *before* I put them on my Match.com profile.


Source: Verbicide

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10.1.12: “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Contestant Antoine Ashley, AKA Sahara Davenport – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:38 am October 5, 2012

Not pictured: Subtlety.

 

Antoine Ashley, also known as Sahara Davenport, the crossdressing star of RuPaul’s Drag Race, passed away on Monday due to heart failure. I know we have a lot of fun here, and I know that I’m not going to make a lot of friends for saying this, but the truth is that I find Ashley’s choice of lifestyle disgusting and immoral. How a person can debase themselves like that is astounding to me. Honestly, reality television? And not even a Philbin around to class things up? Everybody knows that from there it’s just a slippery slope to the bottom and the next thing you know the cops find you hosting a morning radio show in Mason City, Iowa. What if your parents found out about this?

Boyfriend of six years and fellow drag entertainer Karl Westerberg (aka Manila Luzon) had this to say: “Antoine lived to entertain the world as Sahara Davenport, and the world was in awe over his extreme talent. But his heart is what made us all fall in love with him. To me he will always be my best friend, my hero, my Diva, and I have always considered myself more than lucky to have him be forever a part of my life. Thank you, hon, for bringing so much beauty to all of us. Your legacy lives on in me and all of us you’ve touched.”

It may just be because I’m a 7-foot tall lumberjack who uses Brillo pads as toilet paper for some unclear reason, but I just don’t get what the point of a drag show is. Alright, got it, you look like a woman, points for accuracy. But there are, like, 3.5 billion of those already. There’s plenty of reference material around, it’s not like you really had to strain your imagination too much to figure out what Cher might look like in a fishnet bodysuit. Meanwhile LARPers are out there pretending to be dragons and space assassins and other shit that doesn’t even exist and all they get for their trouble is me doing burnouts in that park they don’t think I know about.


Source: Antimusic

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9.29.12: Woman Who Won the Lottery and Continued to Collect Welfare – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:04 am October 3, 2012

Clayton later tweeted that “it was the most awesome September 11th ever lol!” That’s just kinda acting like a dick.

 

Periodically, Michigan is forced to give away large sums of money to keep people from leaving once they realize the state hasn’t done anything of substance since they gerrymandered Detroit’s districts into the shape of a penis. They’ve dubbed the sham “the lottery” and it’s actually kinda pointless, considering that it’s damn near impossible to get out of Michigan anyway since I-75 is always backed up to fucking Grayling. You might as well just try to move to Ohio via telekinesis.

Proving that this whole lottery thing is totally a great idea, last year Detroit-area citizen Amanda Clayton won a cool million and decided that, fuck it, she was still a few Gs short, so she decided to continue receiving welfare checks. Man. If there’s one thing I have a real issue with, it’s financial malfeasance. And if there are two things I have real issues with, it’s financial malfeasance and rap songs that keep telling me to put my hands in the air. I have weak triceps, jerks!

Anyway, that lady is dead now. Sorry it took so long for me to get to that bit of info, but in fairness I had a lot of shitty things to say about Michigan and that kinda took priority.

Police say a Detroit-area woman who collected welfare benefits despite winning a $735,000 lottery prize has died of a possible drug overdose.

Oh! Well, her staying on welfare makes a lot more sense now… you can burn through a million dollars in no time if you’re an experienced meth freak. What the hell do you want, Michigan? For her to just *steal* her drugs? That’s super dangerous. No wonder bloggers keep saying such awful things about you.



Source: The Huffington Post

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9.28.12: Star of “Babylon 5” Michael O’Hare – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 3:30 pm October 2, 2012

What, no epaulettes? Let me ask you a question, costumer designer Ann Bruice Aling; Do you just not give any kind of a shit at all?

 

Michael O’Hare, star of “Babylon 5,” is dead today after suffering a heart attack and subsequent coma. O’Hare played Finnigan McDougal, the no-nonsense chief captain of the U.S.S. Babylon, which traveled through space looking for the magic portal that would take them back home. Or something like that, probably. Look, I’m really having a hard time keeping all of this nerd stuff straight. Honestly, I can’t wait for this whole geek fad to pass so that we can all get back to wearing zoot suits and listening to the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. Now *that* was a minor fad that was built to last.


Source: Variety

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9.27.12: Herbert Lom of “The Pink Panther” Film Series – DEAD!

Filed under: Uncategorized —James @ 5:10 pm October 1, 2012

“And I’M telling YOU: Kitty cats are WAY cuter than puppy dogs!”

 

Herbert Lom, best known for playing Chief Inspector Dreyfus in the original Pink Panther film series, died on Thursday at the age of 95. Well, maybe if they didn’t put that fuck-up Clouseau on every goddamn case he wouldn’t have been so stressed out all the time. Christ, stop hiring that guy, you know he’s gonna do something stupid. He does EVERY SINGLE TIME. This is really starting to bother me on a personal level.

Onstage, Mr. Lom originated the role of the king in the original London cast of the musical “The King and I” in 1955. On television, he appeared in the British series “The Human Jungle” in 1963 and 1964 and on “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” in 1967.

Hey! He was also a serious stage actor, just like you swore you were gonna be back in high school! I mean, you know, before you graduated and realized that it was going to be hard to balance school and work and your boyfriend *and* pursuing an acting career, so you decided to take a little time off to clear your head. Then, when you had your first child you figured that the acting career would have to be put on hold for just a couple years, while you worked your way up the ladder at Barnes & Noble and got your footing as a parent. School was going to be way too tough to find room for, but that’s okay. An actor doesn’t need a college degree, and this will make sure you have some extra time for auditions and rehearsals once you land that first real role, and then you can finally move out of this go-nowhere town. Then, around the time of your second child (which was met with significantly less enthusiasm from your friends for some reason), as you entered your late 20s, your looks started to go and guys on the street stopped looking at you so much and you found yourself surprised by how much you needed that shallow validation. Sadly, you realized you should’ve spent more time learning some legitimate skills instead of preening about your appearance so much, and that you’re just not sure how you function in the world without others constantly asserting how talented you are like they used to. You began to wonder if all of those flattering things people used to tell your younger self were true at all. What *are* you in this world, anyway? Do you serve a function, do you even matter in any valid way? Would the world be even a hair different if you were dead, if your whole family just… ceased to exist one dark night? So you updated your Facebook profile with baby pictures and posted about how your life is turning out so wonderfully and waited for the “like”s to come rolling in, because that always helped. For a little while, at least. When you finally bought the gun it wasn’t that you thought you’d ever use it, you just liked feeling like you were in *control* of something for once. But when you walked the empty hallways of your suburban 3-bedroom home in the middle of the night, unable to sleep from the vague existential tugging you didn’t want to tell anyone about and that you couldn’t even seem to articulate anyway (should’ve developed a deeper grasp of language, dammit), it just felt so right in your hands. And then, one night, as tears fell down and splattered on the cold steel resting in your mouth, and you’d resigned yourself to the fact that you had been born nothing and somehow had become infinitely less, you finally accepted the truth; That the only warmth you’d ever truly felt in your life was nothing but the hot, stale breath of Death on the nape of your neck, waiting patiently for as long as it took for you to turn around and come crawling into His endless arms of despair and ultimate release. But, you know, before all that you thought it would be fun to be an actor.

Source: The NY Times

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