This Day in Death

10.21.12: Bollywood Movie Mogul Yash Chopra – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 4:01 pm October 26, 2012

Amitabh Bachahan may not be Sanjay Dutt, but compared to that hack Akshay Kumar he’s Shahrukh goddamn Khan. NOW WHO’S GONNA HELP ME FINISH THIS PONY KEG!?

 

Bollywood movie mogul (I don’t know what that would be, either) Yash Chopra is dead today of… dengue fever? Seriously? Apparently that’s a real thing, even though it’s very similar to the disease I made up to get out of gym class in 8th grade.

Like many Bollywood films, Chopra’s work was characterized by lush sets and energetic song and dance numbers, which is really the only time you can burst into a musical to explain what’s happening. No matter how lovingly choreographed, spontaneously beginning a dance routine in the middle of your arson arraignment will buy you little to no judicial leeway. Also, that last sentence counts as community service.

“He passed away due to dengue and multiple organ failure,” the Press Trust of India quoted a hospital spokesman, Sudhir, as saying. The spokesman uses only one name.

Quick aside: Only one name? Is that an actual common practice in India or is this guy just a dick? He’s like the Cher of depressing medical announcements!

Chopra started his film career in the 1950s under the tutelage of his elder brother, late filmmaker B.R. Chopra. He founded his own studio Yash Raj Films and launched it with “Daag: A Poem of Love” in 1973, which won him one of his four Filmfare Awards for best director.

Yes, who can forget Daag: A Poem of Love? I was conceived to it, although I remained a zygote for an additional decade. An absolute classic, although I hear that if you play Mama Mia! at 150% speed it’s the exact same thing.



Source: Time

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10.22.12: Actor and Activist Russell Means – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:15 pm October 24, 2012

A wristwatch? Oh, I’m sorry, Nipponzan Myohoji Buddhist Rev. Katsuzo Sawada, I thought your belief structure was all about *avoiding* the trappings of materialism, not selling your eternal soul to the Timex corporation. I guess I was mistaken.


Native American activist Russell Means, who spent four decades fighting for the rights of indigenous peoples, is dead today at the age of 72. So watch out, flea markets and swap meets of Wasatch County, Utah; Whitey’s coming for whatever you’ve got left. Unless it’s just a bunch of those dreamcatcher things. Nobody wants those.

Means was also an actor, a musician and a writer, because the proud Oglala Sioux people used every part of the corporate media distribution system. (I like that because it’s kinda both a compliment and an insult.)

Diagnosed with esophageal cancer in 2011, and given only a short time to live, Means used native treatments and remedies and opted out of chemotherapy and radiation. He died on his ranch this week and is survived by his wife, Pearl Daniels, and his nine children.

Points for sticking to his beliefs, even when it may’ve cost him his life. It’s kinda like when you said you weren’t gonna get married until gay marriage was legalized everywhere, except that Means didn’t pussy out at 27 because someone called him a spinster.



Source: The Nation

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10.21.12: George McGovern – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 8:30 pm October 23, 2012

Noble as his intentions were, McGovern’s “Come Home America” button initiative just couldn’t compete with Nixon’s “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt campaign. The 70s!


I had planned to tell you that yet another saxophonist is dead, thus cementing TDiD as the internet’s number 1 source for late-breaking saxman death news, but then liberal hippie-type George McGovern had to up and die as well, and people seem to really care about that, so I guess yet another of my dreams has been crushed. First I find out that Lucky Charms contain no actual magical properties, and now this. The late 20s are a real tough age for a young boy’s dreams.

Sen. John Kerry said Sunday that McGovern never let the political popularity of a subject determine whether he supported a cause.

“George McGovern was a voice of clarity and conviction at a time when America needed it most,” Kerry said. “He spoke to many of us who opposed the war but loved our country, because he was the genuine article, a soft-spoken, decent and gentle man who lived a remarkable life with humility.”

While some people admired McGovern for his liberal viewpoints and others for his tireless work to feed the hungry, my favorite thing about him is that he had the word “govern” right there in his name. It helps me remember who he was, and I appreciate that. I don’t have the time to remember the names and careers of every single politician I hear about or celebrity I see on television or sibling I grew up knowing or girl I’m currently on a date with, you gotta streamline stuff like that. How the hell does Lawrence Fishburne expect me to remember what he does? Is he a chef or something? It’s just nonsense, really.

 

Source: CNN

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10.18.12: Porn Star Sylvia Kristel – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 7:05 pm October 19, 2012

You’re never gonna get thoroughly clean if you just spend the whole bath slowly massaging your chest like that. America’s pre-teens rely on lurid sexuality to teach them proper hygiene practices and this is just leading them down a dangerous path.

Porn star (or “adult film actress” if you’re applying for a grant) Sylvia Kristel is dead today, and I’m just gonna come right out and tell you that it was throat cancer. Yes yes, get it out of your systems. I thought you guys were a bit more sophisticated than that. I mean, I’m not, but I thought you were.

Kristel was best known for playing the title role in the landmark 1974 softcore porn Emmanuelle. Wait, hang on. They’re making softcore porno now? What, is that just mostly hand-holding or something? Do they have to keep the gangbangs in the single digits? And what of ATM? Who’s softcore porn even for, people who want square tires and put water in their cereal? I tell you, there are some reeeal sickos in the world.

She did act in mainstream films, […] but was nearly always cast in sexually suggestive parts, and her performances drew considerably less attention than her face and figure.

In her 2006 autobiography, “Undressing Emmanuelle,” she wrote that she was “disappointed and a little hurt” that her more serious work went unappreciated. “I was dressed but people preferred me naked,” she wrote.

Well, now I feel bad about the pelvic-thrusty nature of this post, so let’s just call it a day here. It’s just as well, since I generally try to avoid jokes about porn or prostitution. I mean, there’s this stuff. And these. And I’d hate to forget this one. But as a general rule I try to steer clear of that stuff. Or at least skip a day here and there. Wow. When you lay it out like that it really starts to look like I might have a problem after all. I guess I owe Pastor Robinson a pretty big apology.

Source: The New York Times

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10.15.12: Former King of Cambodia Norodom Sihanouk – DEAD!

Filed under: Uncategorized —James @ 6:56 pm October 18, 2012

 In his latter years, Sihanouk successfully ran for mayor of Boca Raton, Florida. Sweet gig, man.


Former king of Cambodia Norodom Sihanouk died this week, and since I don’t know anything about Cambodia this makes me really… sad… ? Relieved… ? Hungry? Let’s just go with respectfully disinterested. Ah, that feels nice. GOOOOOOOOOO CULTURAL IGNORANCE!

The keffiyeh models over at NPR daintily tapped out the following on their iPads:

His former information official Prince Sisowath Thomico recalls that when politics got rough, Sihanouk would escape into lavish parties, where he would wine, dine and sing for his guests. His real personality, Sisowath Thomico says, was that of an artist.

Sihanouk directed several movies, including the 1992 film My Village At Sunset, about a love triangle in a hospital full of land mine victims. Sihanouk also painted, played in a jazz band and was a big fan of Elvis Presley ballads.

Cambodia’s French colonial rulers assumed he would make a good puppet king when they put him on the throne in 1941. Instead he helped Cambodia win its independence in 1953.

I’m not gonna call anyone a liar, but I’m upwards of 1000% certain that that’s just the premise of some lost Chris Farley movie. “He farted a LOT, and that really resonated with me,” raved one reviewer. Hmm. Hey, remember when this blog used to be classier?

 
Source: NPR

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10.13.12: Actor and Miss America Pageant Host Gary Collins – DEAD!

Filed under: Uncategorized —James @ 8:29 pm October 16, 2012

Probably the best part of hosting the Miss America pageant is getting to help dedicated young women realize their dreams. Probably the second best thing is stealing as many used swimsuits as you can hide under your cummerbund.

 

Notable television actor Gary Collins died on Saturday, which is the kind of thing that might mean something to you if your television is one of those ones that can receive broadcast signals and isn’t just a refrigerator box with Dr. Pepper caps for knobs. It’s just supposed to be a conversation piece, get off my back.

Oh shit, here comes TMZ, everybody lower your brows:

Collins’ resumé is a mile long … having appeared on episodes of such hit shows as “Fantasy Island,” “Charlie’s Angels,” “Alice,” “The Love Boat,” “Police Story” … the list goes on.

Collins was also known for hosting the talk show “Hour Magazine” and from 1980-1988 and hosted the Miss America Pageant from 1985-1989.

He married former Miss America Mary Ann Mobley in 1967 and the couple had one child together. They separated last year.

I imagine some poor editor had to remove at least five hyperbolic uses of the word “literally” just to get that published. Explaining grammar to those troglodytes must be the worst job in the world.  “But chief! His resume really WAS a mile long! I sawr it, I did!”

Anyway, I’m sure it looks good on paper, but be careful marrying beauty pageant winners. For one thing, they get extremely snippy when you use their sash as toilet paper. Listen, your majesty; If I knew this relationship was gonna require me to remember a bunch of arbitrary rules I would’ve just kept picking up chicks at the VD clinic like normal people do.

Source: TMZ

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10.14.12: Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 5:57 pm October 15, 2012

Specter, seen here responding to controversy ignited from his proposed “Bitches Ain’t Shit” constitutional amendment. Not a lot of support for that one, but you have to admire his passion: He truly BELIEVED that bitches weren’t shit.

 

Over the weekend former Pennsylvania senator Arlen Specter passed away from lymphoma, and if there’s a silver lining to that it has to be that it gives me a chance to hear your nuanced political opinions. If there’s one thing I love about doing this blog, it’s the chance to read your angry emails. Seriously, every time I can be blessed enough to gaze upon the latest barely coherent gibberish you people manage to string together using what I have to assume is a loosely-coordinated series of closed-fisted keyboard punches roughly timed to synchronize with the incessant braying of a Brit Hume or a Keith Olbermann or possibly just a dying ostrich on Animal Planet, I can’t help but have an immediate physiological reaction of almost orgasmic joy. And no, I’m not still seeing Dr. Silverberg about my “sarcasm problem,” Lt. Col. Needs to Know Every Detail of My Personal Life.

A political moderate, Specter was swept into the Senate in the Reagan landslide of 1980.

He took credit for helping to defeat President Clinton’s national health care plan — the complexities of which he highlighted in a gigantic chart that hung on his office wall for years afterward — and helped lead the investigation into Gulf War syndrome. Following the Iran-Contra scandal, he pushed legislation that created the inspectors general of the CIA.

As a senior member of the powerful Appropriations Committee, Specter pushed for increased funding for stem-cell research, breast cancer and Alzheimer’s disease, and supported several labor-backed initiatives in a GOP-led Congress. He also doggedly sought federal funds for local projects in his home state.

You know, I often like to imagine that people often like to ask me how I vote, and I hypothetically tell them that I usually vote for third parties.  For instance, in 2008 I cast my ballot for Libertarian Party candidate Bob Barr. The decision was partially attributable to my being a fiery independent who refuses to be swayed by political manipulation and partially because I had him confused with Babar the cartoon elephant. Both spoke to my personal beliefs, so no harm, no foul.

Source: The LA Times

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10.8.12: Antisa Khvichava, World’s Oldest Woman – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 3:22 pm October 12, 2012

You know what’s awesome about being 132 years old? Struggling to drink water.


A woman in Georgia (that’s Georgia the shitty country, not Georgia the shitty state), who was supposedly the world’s oldest person at 132 years of age, has died today as the result of, I don’t know, turning her head slightly to the left or something. Sorry, but when you have to use a complex system of wires and pulleys just to blink I kinda have a hard time being too broken up about your passing onto the sweet relief that is absolutely anything else.

Experts have some doubt over the claims however, as all the documents stating her age were created long after Mrs Khvichava’s birth. Without documents dating from the 1880s, researchers said her real age is likely to remain a mystery.

The oldest living person at the moment is 116-year-old Besse Cooper from the state of Georgia in the USA. Her birth can be officially proven to have been in August 1896.

GodDAMMIT! This better not just be more supercentenarians hoaxing the world for fame and fortune. I already got rolled by that bitch Dina Manfredini for, like, a year’s supply of Werther’s Originals. These people are a menace, what with their forged records and their afghans that cover their entire bodies, even in the summer. What are they hiding under there, anyway…? Is it drugs? I bet it’s drugs. If only something could stop them, like a drafty window, or a 2-foot fall, or finding out there’s a black president. I’m not saying we need to get rid of them *all*, I’m just saying that we should brand and microchip anyone over 50 for easy tracking and, if deemed necessary and/or entertaining by a court of myself and people who agree with me about everything, violent public execution. And then maybe we make their bodies into little puppets. Honestly, I’m not even sure how you could reasonably take issue with that.

Also, how is Supercentenarian Age Verification Challenge not on the Game Show Network right now?




Source: The Independent

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10.10.12: N.F.L. Lineman and Webster’s Dad Alex Karras – DEAD!

Filed under: Uncategorized —James @ 12:33 pm October 11, 2012

Fun fact: The script of every episode of “Webster” simply read “teach poignant lesson.” The decision to do so with a mustache was pure Karras, though.

 

If you’re a regular reader here at the TDiD, then first and foremost I’d like to sincerely apologize for all of the slurs against the Chinese. I honestly didn’t realize that we as a nation weren’t cool with that stuff anymore. But beyond that, it means you’re aware that I don’t do a lot of sports posts. The main reason being that if I wanted a hobby that lent itself to a “fantasy” component I would still be writing My Little Pony slash fiction.

But the death of former Detroit Lions linebacker turned actor Alex Karras is notable because 1.) it’s a good reminder that Detroit used to be a place that existed, and 2.) Karras also played the dad on 80s sitcom “Webster.” That’s right, “Webster.” The show that taught a generation of kids all sorts of useful life lessons but completely failed to address the scourge of the era that was my uncle getting drunk and taking a dump in my Castle Greyskull playset on Christmas morning. I know it’s a tough topic, but they could’ve done a two-parter or something.

Alex Karras, a fierce and relentless All-Pro lineman for the Detroit Lions whose irrepressible character frequently placed him at odds with football’s authorities but led to a second career as an actor on television and in the movies, died Wednesday at his home in Los Angeles. He was 77.

Notably, Karras also played Mongo in “Blazing Saddles.” Between a respectably diverse acting career, his time with the NFL, and authoring a couple of books, Karras really showed an admirable willingness to embrace change and variety in the work that he did. By way of contrast, yesterday somebody put down the kickstand on my keyboard and I instantly burst into tears and took the rest of the week off.

 

Source: The New York Times

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9.22.12: LP Developer Howard H. Scott – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 5:19 pm October 9, 2012

Couldn’t have done it without you, Howie!

 

Howard Scott, a music producer who was involved with some of the most important advancements in recording technology, has died at the age of 92. Scott was one of the men responsible for the development of the vinyl LP, setting off a chain reaction that ultimately results in my being condescended to by some bearded liberal arts major behind a Macbook anytime I walk into a record store. Look, if you don’t have the new Loverboy album just say so, don’t act like an ass about it.

In the days before magnetic tape came into wide use, the process of transferring music to the new discs (soon to be known as LPs) was complex. Long pieces of music, split among multiple 78 r.p.m. records, needed to be stitched together on the new discs without interruption.

To do that, Mr. Scott and his colleagues lined up overlapping segments of music on 78s, and — with Mr. Scott snapping his finger in coordination — switched the audio signal at just the right moment from one turntable to the other. As the industry began to use magnetic tape, beginning in the late 1940s, such work was no longer necessary.

For me, the American Dream died the day magnetic tape put all of those professional finger snappers out of work. Little known fact: West Side Story was created solely to give them something to do.

 

Source: The New York Times (picture via this place)

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