This Day in Death

10.10.13: Astronaut Scott Carpenter – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 7:30 am October 17, 2013

SCOTT_CARPENTERHey! I took the same yearbook photo! The nurple purpling was totally worth it.


Scott Carpenter, one of America’s original seven astronauts, died on Thursday at the age of 88. Carpenter was considered a relatively minor figure, but he still led a pretty sweet life, largely due to the NASA fun package all astronauts get upon reentry. I actually have one right here that I picked up from Neil Armstrong’s estate sale. Turns out he got in pretty deep with some sharks once the Tang residuals went dry so I picked this baby up for a song. Let’s see, there’s this “Astronauts Do it at Mach 30” bumper sticker, which seems a little braggy, but whatever. There’s a certificate good for having one U.S. state renamed (Armstrong’s rejected bid for “Assachusetts” poses more questions than it answers), a VHS copy of Apollo 13 signed by Clint Howard, and a tasteful nude photo of former NASA administrator James E. Webb. The whole thing is rounded out with some pretty great ‘Buy 1, Get 1’ pizza coupons, and that’s a savings that really adds up if you host a lot of casual parties. Just because you’ve been outside of Earth’s gravitational field doesn’t mean you have to pay sky-high prices.

Some NASA officials found fault with his performance.

“He was completely ignoring our request to check his instruments,” Christopher Kraft, the flight director, wrote in his memoir “Flight: My Life in Mission Control” (2001). “I swore an oath that Scott Carpenter would never again fly in space. He didn’t.”

Yeah, regardless of what those Van Damme movies had you believing, playing by your own rules in the real world just ends up getting your ass put on latrine duty, forgotten by history until some blogger with questionable social skills takes your life’s achievements out of context for a few cheap laughs. Just fly right and listen to authority already. Speaking of which, I found out you guys are wearing those “I <3 Cops” shirts ironically, so let’s go ahead and just knock that off, too, please.

Source: NY Times

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