This Day in Death

1.14.13: Conrad Bain, Mr. Drummond of Television’s “Diff’rent Strokes” – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 9:21 pm January 16, 2013

 CONRAD_BAINNot to be confused with Soviet-era Batman villain, Comrade Bane. I kinda feel like I should get the rest of the day off after that one.

Conrad Bain, who played Mr. Drummond on Diff’rent Strokes, died on Monday of natural causes, and if you’re worried that I’m gonna be disrespectful and make a lot of stupid jokes, or make it all about me somehow, then you obviously don’t know this blog as well as you think. See, one of the things I’m most known for, besides breaking up with exotic supermodels for having birthmarks larger than 1/8th of a square inch (sorry, baby, I can’t risk catching that), is tactfulness. With that in mind, please watch this very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes where the local bike shop owner turns out to be a child molester. It taught kids everywhere that if an adult is ever nice it probably means he plans to molest you. I’d go so far as it to say it inadvertently helped kick-start the fear-based media cycle that keeps us locked into unfounded paranoia, turning us into a nation of terrified, reactionary, and easily manipulated lemmings eager to be led off a cliff in the interest of an imagined safety. While the world spins into environmental chaos and political corruption my newsfeed is filled with unverified stories detailing new gang initiations and misattributed, fallacious political screeds about gun rights and domestic terrorism, carelessly reposted by people who STILL don’t know how to use Snopes even though it’s 20goddamn13. You have easy access to the internet, the most thorough and sophisticated source of information that any civilization has ever even conceived of, why can’t you check on these things first? Oh Christ my ear is bleeding. It’s a gusher, this is bad. This is seriously bad. Anyway, enjoy the show!

Okay, so, child molestation is bad, and I’m not just saying that because I’m required by court order to do so. But relatively speaking, it’s at least encouraging that he wasn’t excluding children of color. That show was pretty progressive for the 80s. I mean, I’m not advocating molesting children, I’m just saying that if you’re gonna do it *anyway* don’t be a bigot and consider children outside of your own race. Oh, so now *I’m* somehow being offensive? Fine, whatever. You guys are reacting just like those closed-minded fascists at the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Source: The Chicago Tribune

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