This Day in Death

02.28.12: Eldery Chinese Woman Who Was Presumed Dead – HANGING ON!

Filed under: Hanging On —James @ 9:48 pm February 28, 2012

She’s the Chinese David Blaine, only minus the sloping caveman brow and the hard-to-place ethnicity.


A 95-year-old Chinese woman has returned from the dead, clawing her way out of her coffin six days after passing, in order to make something to eat. Either that or she wasn’t actually dead. I’m really not sure, since I only skimmed this article.  I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now, you know?

Because Mrs Xiufeng [the victim] lived alone, Mr Qingwang [Xiufeng’s neighbor] and his son made preparations for her funeral, which included keeping the coffin in the house for several days for friends and relatives to pay their last respects.

The ‘dead’ woman was laid in her coffin on February 19, two days after she was discovered.

However, Mr Qingwang chose not to nail the coffin shut ahead of the planned burial on February 24.

The day before the funeral, Mr Qingwang arrived at his neighbour’s house to find the coffin empty and the corpse gone.

After searching for the missing body, the villagers were stunned to find Mrs Xiufeng sitting on a stool in her kitchen cooking.

Well, that’s a heartwarming story. Is there a way we can put a super depressing twist on the end of this?

But, despite ‘cheating’ death, the same local tradition has left Mrs Xiufeng with nothing as, according to tradition, after a person dies, all their belongings must be burnt.

God, that sounds like the shittiest Adam Sandler movie since Little Nicky. Or Eight Crazy Nights. Or Click. Or Grown-Ups. Or Jack and Jill. Dammit, Sandler! Just give us Billy Madison 2! Why won’t you let us laugh?!

A county hospital reportedly believes Mrs Xiufeng suffered an artificial death, during which the person has no breath, but the body remains warm.

I gotta say, that sits a little funny with me. “Artificial death” sounds a hell of a lot like “We have no goddamn idea what happened but we’re doctors so who’s going to question it if we just make some shit up?” I think the big takeaway here is that Chinese doctors are awful. I would sooner get an appendectomy from a chimpanzee than let a Chinese doctor so much as check my pupils. At least the chimpanzee might wear a funny hat or an over-sized white coat with a stethoscope hanging over the neck, and that would go a long way with me. “Ha ha!” I’d say. “Laughter really is the best medicine! You’re alright, Doctor Bananas!”


Source: Mirror

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