This Day in Death

02.18.12: Yellow Cedar Trees – DEAD!

Filed under: Dead —James @ 5:49 am February 18, 2012

Look, tree deaths count as deaths. Deal.

 

Alright, I realize this story is kinda on the outer fringe of the premise here but I’m posting it mainly because I seriously didn’t believe Alaska was a real place. Up until twenty minutes ago I would’ve guessed it was where Puff the Magic Dragon was from or something. So people are actually living up there, spittin’ chaw  from their herped-out lips as they ride out on mooseback to the bi-monthly log cabin gangbang? Please at least tell me the National Guard has a 24-hour quarantine to keep those freaks from escaping. Give me something else to think about, Block Quote:

Climate warming is killing off yellow cedar. The mighty trees can live more than 1,000 years, resisting bugs and rot and even defending themselves against injury, but their shallow roots are vulnerable to freezing if soil is not insulated by snow. And for more than a century, with less snow on the ground, frozen roots have killed yellow cedar on nearly a half-million acres in southeast Alaska, plus another 123,000 acres in adjacent British Columbia.

Granted it’s pretty embarrassing that these trees are dying out because of global warming (in terms of bad-ass deaths, it’s basically the geological equivalent of accidentally swallowing a Bazooka Joe wrapper), but they still took way less shit than that Giving Tree pussy. The only thing a yellow cedar would let that mooching kid make out of his trunk is a coffin to shove his freeloading ass into.

Source: The News Tribune

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